After a long hiatus, our heroes return. Our DM warned that we should get our level up affairs in order before proceeding further. We interpreted that to mean this is a save point and there's a boss battle around the corner.
Celkini, Akilah, and Dweezil head further into the building but find nothing in the back room or at the back of the building. Dweezil continues sketching the town as the go along. Celkini skips along toward the tower. Akilah tries to keep up and stop her from getting into trouble, but the little gnome is on her usual adrenaline high after the ash zombie fight.
They find a large statue of a warrior bearing a sword and shield. Dweezil refers to his notes but finds no information on the figure. Celkini continues running in and out of the buildings, until she finds one filled with branches. After their earlier twig blight battle, Celkini takes the initiative and smashes some of the twig piles with her hammers. Her actions rouse the other twigs and they start to attack. Dweezil tries to pull her back, but she's being feisty and wants to fight. Akilah manages to pull her away.
Celkini runs off, leading them into the safety of the barracks. Only, the sound of moaning has them turn around to find ash zombies rising up. Celkini attacks, forgetting that they release blinding ash with each hit. She strikes with her daggers, but her successful hits result in blindness for both her and Ben. Akilah attacks with her longsword, but it gets stuck in the monster's body. Dweezil's attack knocks a zombie down and its leg breaks off as it falls. Celkini flails at her zombie with her daggers, but it knocks one from her hand. Ben follows up with a bite, but the zombie still lives. It misses her as she flails blindly around it. Akilah catches her second wind while the fallen zombie tries to climb up Dweezil, but Dweezil is able to finally kill one of them. It bursts into ash. Celkini continues to flail and fail, while Akilah chops up her zombie, limb by limb. Dweezil opts to attack instead of curing an ailing Celkini. A bolt of light shoots through the monster and it explodes. Akilah moves to finish off the one crawling along the ground, but Celkini leaps in front of her, stumbles, and lands awkwardly on the zombie. It explodes and Celkini takes further damage.
"We are going to have a word," Akilah says, shaking her head.
After the struggle, they dust themselves off and decide to hold up for the evening in the barracks discussing Red Sonja.
A hungover Dweezil stumbles downstairs to join Akilah and Celkini for breakfast. Xavros has departed temporarily, suggesting that Dweezil's plans for revolution might not be the wisest thing to do. Celkini points out the notice requesting adventurers check out a cult in Thundertree. Successfully completing this would help build some reputation in the city. The trio decide to rent horses to get to their destination more quickly, but their combined CHR is -837489174 and they fail to negotiate a good price. They leave indignantly, searching for another stable. The guards offer no help, and a dwarven store owner warns them away from the other, more dangerous areas. Celkini purchases a few daggers, but they find no other horse rental options. They refuse to go back to the first stable. Dweezil figures they should get all the gold from this quest then go back and buy a horse and kill it in front of that jerk to show him who's boss.
Celkini knows from her travels that Thundertree is along the river out of Neverwinter, so they follow the path. Celkini is chattering away, Akilah is examining a hang nail, and Dweezil is pondering the meaning of life. Good thing Ben is paying attention, though nothing out of the ordinary happens. Celkini even catches a nice wabbit for some stew.
Dweezil suggests that, since the group is much smaller than before, they should not over extend themselves. The notice only requested information on the cult, so he has the others promise not to get into any fights. Celkini makes this promise, but the others aren't certain about her sincerity.
The night goes shockingly peacefully. Dweezil wakes in surprise and updates his diary to read: Days without death: 1. He reminds Celkini of the promise not to kill anything, only to find her slaughtering another small woodland creature and smearing its blood on her face. But she promises again not to do anything dangerous.
After breakfast, Celkini leads them to the entrance to Thundertree. A sign warns of zombies and plant monsters inhabiting the ruins. They check out the first building, which is almost completely crumbled to ruins and covered in overgrown weeds. Celkini examines the flora and determines them to be fairly normal. Dweezil takes out his notebook and starts to take notes, mapping the area. Akilah keeps a tense watch and Celkini climbs a tree to get a a better view. She spies a bunch of dead giant spiders. Akilah thinks this is a good sign to GTFO, but Dweezil wants to examine the corpses, but as he leaves, he feels a scraping at his ankle. He looks down and finds branches reaching for him. "Watch out! Things are moving!" Dweezil shouts. Celkini recognizes them as twig blights. Akilah rushes in to cleave two of the creatures apart as Dweezil backs away. "Am I allowed to kill things now?" Celkini asks excitedly. When permission is granted, she aims her blowgun, but misses. The remaining creature goes after Akilah. The half-elf chops the twig blight into kindling.
Dweezil still wants to examine the spider corpses, but is more wary. He fashions a torch out of the twig blight remains and proceeds onward. Akilah has no lover for spiders, so she stays back, sword ready, while Dweezil and Celkini continue on. They find claw marks and bite marks on the spiders. Celkini determines the creature to be of significant size. She also points out that the spiders who themselves are poisonous creatures, were poisoned by something else. Dweezil determines that they have been dead for about a day. CSI: Thundertree continues.
Dweezil smells something strange and acidic from a nearby tower. He's certain that the spiders came from the tower, and suspects that there are more in the tower. What killed them might be in there too. He hypothesizes that the monster shows some signs of intelligence. It has poisoned its prey and allowed them to escape, knowing they would die shortly after, but it has not come after them to eat them. None of this is enough information to earn the reward because they haven't found any signs of a cult.
They decide to check out the nearby tavern. The door is firmly closed and the wood is bloated. Akilah manages to shove the door open. Ben slips inside but moments later, they hear groans and shuffling and a zombie, ashes falling from its desiccated body, begins to rise. Ben rushes out and leaps into Celkini's arms. She shrieks and grabs the torch from Dweezil and tosses it in the tavern and slams the door. But the zombies are having none of this. They press forward and the door bursts open. Celkini and Ben attack the first zombie. Akilah follows up and a puff of strange ash escapes the body after she hits, but she and Celkini leap back in time to avoid it. Celkini takes out a second zombie, but Dweezil gets some of the ash cloud from it gets into Dweezil's eyes. Despite his disadvantage, he manages to defeat a zombie after Akilah weakens it. With two more left stumbling through the door. Celkini and Akilah kill one and the next falls. They finish it off.
Inside the tavern, by the light of the torch that Celkini threw in, they see a door that leads to another section of the tavern. They don't find anything of use in the first room, so they continue on through the door. Dweezil recognizes a faint smell of yeast in the air...
With wounds firmly bandaged with survival tampons, the crew falls asleep. They rise with the sun to the smell of Celkini's bacon pancakes. Dweezil mistakenly points out that they do not have bacon, but Akilah and Xavros don't care because food is food and they are hungry. But whatever Celkini used in her recipe seems to have attracted another swarm of stirges. Eight stirges, to be exact.
"We're gonna need more tampons," Dweezil growls as he takes the first piercing attack from the creatures. Ben leaps at the creature and rips it off of the dwarf's back. Celkini uses her blowgun but misses the stirges heading back to camp. She screams in frustration as two turn and head back toward her. Dweezil swats at another that comes after him, but he's bitten again and collapses. Asher tries to grab at the flying bugs, but he's no Mr. Miyagi. Celkini is able to swat away another stirge.
Xavros is just tired of all these damn bugs. He shouts for Celkini and Asher to get out of the way, then slams his hands together, casting Thunderwave for a mighty three points of damage, but it's overkill enough for these fucking bugs. Neither the monk nor the ranger are able to get out of the way in time and the force of the blast hurls them into the air alongside Dweezil's body. Their dexterity saves them as Akilah leaps in to slaughter the surviving stirge. Celkini revives Dweezil.
They pack up their shit, much of which is all over the place thanks to Xavros' overkill spell. They beat it to the roads, determined to MPK other travellers if they get attacked by bugs again. Dweezil had hoped to make himself all pretty for his grand entrance into Never Winter, but alas, he's half dead. Again.
At long last, they make it to Never Winter. Dweezil knows of the city's history from his books, but it is Xavros who takes the lead, having frequented the place with his crew. The guards eye the bedraggled group, paying particular attention to the forest gnome, who they warn to stay out of trouble. They want to find a M*A*S*H unit, but that's another half day's walk away. Instead, Xavros leads them to the Moonstone Mask Inn which is on a floating island. Dweezil balks. Having spent his life underground, a floating city and large bodies of water are a bit of a problem for him.
Akilah and Asher drag him across the bridge and they all enter the inn. Xavros has warned them of the political concerns plaguing Neverwinter. The Lord and Protector of Neverwinter's mercenary guards populate the inn. Xavros catches the eye of the half elf proprietor. He hums a little ditty (by Color Me Badd) and then proposes an arrangement for rooms at a lower rate if he takes to the stage for the evening. With a wink and potentially inappropriate fondling, the proprietor agrees.
They sit down to a warm, tasty meal. They overhear many conversations. The murmurs seem to speak of similar corruption in Neverwinter as what they experienced.
"Will we have to kill mean guards here like we did in the other place?" asks Celkini, just loud enough to possibly be overheard. They decide this is a good time to casually take their meals to go, though Xavros stays, acting casual, and goes on to perform for the evening.
Upstairs, Dweezil, Akilah, and Celkini discuss their options, while Asher listens quietly. The monk is strongly considering leaving this group, for fear that their immorality will corrupt him. But Dweezil seems to have a change of heart. He explains that political corruption and intimidation is what made him leave his home underground. Now, having seen the same issues above ground, he wants to do something about it. Perhaps, Asher thinks, it is his job to keep these people on the right path, so he encourages this plan. Besides. He's kind of fond of Celkini and wouldn't want to see the naive little gnome hurt. Also, he might have a crush on Akilah.
Celkini presents a flyer that she found downstairs, asking for information on a cult in Thundertree. She's familiar with the area, and knows it's over a day away from Neverwinter. But first priority is rest.
When the team awakes, they have a nice, low cost IKEA breakfast, then gather up their things and continue on to Neverwinter. Along the way, Xavros continues with the composition of his little ditty about their adventures, regularly interrupted by Dweezil's questions about Neverwinter. For the most part, Xavros provides satisfactory answers as various other travellers pass them by. Celkini keeps busy chatting with a silent and observant Asher, gathering any flowers, butterfly wings, elf root and mushrooms she can. There is talk of hiring a cart and mule in Neverwinter in order to retrieve the goods in the goblin cave.
The new DnD players learn that we cannot kill random travellers on the road in hopes of gaining the XP we need to level. Good to know.
When they stop to set up camp, Celkini happily makes a mushroom stew with the fungus she gathered along the way. She might have added a little too much elf root. The next day she makes a lovely berry compote with berries that might have been over ripe. But everybody eats what she makes because why would any want to hurt that cute little gnome's feelings?
The second night, Xavros decides to stay up and take first watch and works on the final touches of his new song, while Celkini chatters on. Our DM takes an excessively long time to determine our fate, leading us to believe that we're gonna die. Finally, on Dweezil's watch, despite his shitty roll, Dweezil turns just in time to avoid a head bashing from a ghoulish creature. He rolls away and looks up to see three more creatures coming out of the woods. Screaming, he at least has the good sense to put out the fire in hopes of disrupting the ghouls' vision. But the ghouls are unperturbed by this. Two of them score a hit against Dweezil, their claws causing him serious damage.
Everyone wakes up at the commotion, jumping to action. Celkini, in a groggy stupor, stumbles towards one of the ghouls, but utterly fails (rolls two damn "1"s) to do anything useful other than bumping into Dweezil and pushing him out of the way of the next ghoul strike. Ben comes in to avenge her with a mighty 22/20 for 1 bite damage. Asher leaps up, grabs his spear and runs toward the creatures, missing his attempt to sweep the leg, but getting in another hit with his second strike. Akilah steps in between Dweezil and the attackers.
She does not miss, surprisingly. Instead, she scores a pretty sweet hit, dropping one ghoul to its knees and almost killing it. Dweezil follows up for the kill. Two of the ghouls turn their vicious claws to Akilah, but her armour takes the brunt of the damage. Xavros runs in and grabs Celkini by the scruff of the neck, picking her up and planting her back on her feet slightly away from the battle. Asher damages one ghoul, but is bitten on the hand by another. The infection is probably setting in immediately and amputation should be strongly considered.
Xavros is obviously still a bit sleepy because, after casting inspiration on Asher, Xavros actually steps forward and attacks, after dusting off his rapier. Celkini follows up with a minor hit. Dweezil takes another hit. He's close to going down, but we thwart our DM with another good saving throw. Unfortunately, the next attack from the creature is a critical hit. Dweezil goes down hard. Akilah must avenge him. She gets her second wind and gets in a hit. Asher dodges an attack while one ghoul begins to feed on Dweezils unconscious form.
Akilah screams in horror, but as she watches the ghastly show, a ghoul strikes her with its paralytic attack. Luckily, her armour takes the blow and she's able to quickly shake off the paralysis. Akilah must make an important decision: vengeance against the bitch that just attacked her? Or save Dweezil? Or both! Because she's mad now! She knocks away Dweezil's friend Mr. Nibbles and paints herself in Dweezil's blood before taking out the second ghoul.
Asher doesn't have much left in him. The last ghoul is almost dead, but so is Asher. He ain't got time for its shit. He stabs it through the eye and leans heavily against his spear.
Heals all around, the team pulls itself back together, hugging awkwardly over their near death experience. This has clearly brought them closer together. They fall asleep to the tune of the latest addition to Xavros' Ballad of the Not Quite Heroes.
While resting and recuperating at the store that the heroes broke into, Asher and Celkini have a slight moral crisis over leaving the children behind. Meanwhile, Dweezil organizes their inventory, generously helping himself to the supplies from the store including: 3 Backpacks 1 pouches of chalk, 2 weeks of rations, rope, caltrops, pot, tinder box, lock picks, and "small" German child. Then they all rest, leaving Ben on guard.
A short while later, the door opens and two Red Brands, disguised as guards, enter the shop, waking everyone up. Ben reports back and the team quickly decides to lure them into the backroom. Celkini makes noise while the others hide, with Asher and Akilah on either side of the door. When the door opens, Celkini smiles, asking the two guards to help her acquire the box on a higher shelf, but the second guard makes no move to enter. Akilah attacks the first, dropping the first guard to his knees. Asher shoves the guy aside to take on the other guard, but that guy's a ninja and manages to catch Asher's punch and toss his arm away. Meanwhile, Dweezil lines up a shot to finish off the first guard, but Celkini leaps in with a kill steal and vaults over the now dead guy to slide between Asher and the other guard's legs and go for the back of his knees with her newly acquired short sword. But with preternatural skill, he blocks her attack. Akilah steps in with a sword straight through this jerk's heart.
They go through the guard's pockets and find nothing, but Xavros scores 28 gold from the cash register. Celkini gets upset because this isn't what heroes are supposed to do. Dweezil and Akilah explain that sometimes, you have to make the tough decisions for the greater good. The gold they are taking will help them live to fight another day. They leave the house through the back door, exiting the town through the dawn shadows. Unfortunately, Akilah forgot to tie her shoelaces, but thankfully, her clumsiness did not affect their stealth.
They stick to the trees until things are clear, then continue on the road that had led them to Phandelver. They decide to return to Neverwinter, where the trouble started for many of them. Xavros tells them tales of the great city, while composing a new song about this new mercenary hero band's adventures while Celkini chats away non-stop as she unsuccessfully forages for plants.
After walking all day, they make camp. With their new kitchen aid tools, Celkini insists on cooking them dinner, which is just barely palatable, but they go to sleep with leaving Dweezil on watch with a perception roll of 5. All seems quiet until he feels two little stings and looks up to find some strange little flying things.
Dweezil is bitten again and again and starts to feel very drained. He slaps and kills one of these strange ugly little creatures and then runs to wake Celkini. The others start to stir. Dweezil tries to blame their appearance on Ben, but Celkini giggles, recognizing the creatures as sturge.
Dweezil's looking pretty drained by now, with one hanging off of his neck. Xavros steps in and grabs it, while Asher tries to attack another, but the little things are nimble in the air.One gets its stinger into the monk. Celkini removes the one attached to her, and it flies into the air. Akilah finishes it off with a mighty roll of 1. Celkini cures Dweezil, even though he insulted her friend. Celkini tries and fails to make some Deep Woods Off, so they just settle in for some much needed rest.
When they finally get to Neverwinter, Dweezil has plans to outsource the group's remaining quests to unsuspecting noobs...
Asher and Akeelah head back toward the prison in hopes of retrieving a body to feed whatever lies in the depths. There are clearly no ethical concerns in this matter. Dweezil follows to pick the lock to the weapons storage that the voice told them about. In the room, they find weapons and dirty red cloaks. The three gather some weapons--5 short swords, 2 crossbors, 2 quivers, 160 bolts, 12 long swords, and one stank ass cloak. Asher moves on to the next room where the drauger are waiting. Too bad we all forgot about the voice's warning about the drauger ignoring those wearing the red robes, which means Asher has to fight. The first skeleton strikes true. Asher retaliates and dodges the attack of the second drauger, but the third hits hard, leaving him with a festering wound. Akilah rushes in wearing the red cloak which causes the drauger to stop and sheath their weapons. The three head over to the prison. Asher explains what has happened and Dweezil considers donning a cloak to see if he can be greedy. They get to the safety of the hallway and Akilah continues on to the prison area. She grabs the body, but the young boy has woken up and asks to be rescued. Guilt +40. Akilah grudgingly tells him and his mother and other child to go into the hallway to discuss this with her companions. Dweezil is annoyed, but agrees since the mother has promised the wealth of her family heirloom. He leads them into the weapons room and tries to ditch them there, but they are too fast for his little dwarf legs.
"Aren't you heroes?" the mother asks, threatening to call the guards.
"No," Akilah and Dweezil reply. Dweezil kills the mother and locks the kids in the weapons room.
"She should have listened," says Akilah tersely.
Had Asher not been in festering pain, he probably would have disagreed with this decision. Instead, he grudgingly wraps the red cloak he took from the body Akilah carries tighter around himself.
They return to Celkini and Xavros and feed the body to the voice. It thanks them and shows them a vision of the exit to the south. There's no dilly dallying. The team heads south, coming out into the town. They decide to rest up at the store. The window is conveniently open and they climb in quietly without alerting the guards. Asher stands guard while the others scavenge food and supplies.
After much deliberation, Xavros takes out his attacker. Asher catches the blade thrown at him and retaliates but misses with his first strike! But while he's distracting them along with Dweezil's near miss, Celkini slides under the table, between Asher's legs and comes up behind the guards to drop caltrops at the door. Ben leaps onto the shoulders of one of the guards and successfully annoys him. Akilah steps in and misses. The caltrops affect one of the guards while the other attacks Asher, only to be DENIED. Because it's Asher, bitches! Then the wizard walks in, floating over the caltrops like wizard Jesus. He casts lightning fingers at Asher, who takes maximum damage.
A bugbear roars in through the south door and immediately attacks Akilah, hitting the half elf for 11 damage. The wizard follows up with a wave of his staff. Three magical missiles hit Celkini, Asher, and Akilah. Akilah siiiiighs. Celkini has great intentions:
But she ROLLS A FREAKING ONE BECAUSE HER HUSBAND JINXED HER. The reality is that the team is not in a good way. The wizard orders everyone to yield. Dweezil aquiesces immediately. Akilah mumbles her agreement before passing out. Celkini is still on fire. She is glaring at the wizard and it's taking everything Ben has to keep her in check until Dweezil drops by to wrestle her weapons from her. The remaining guards strip them of their weapons. The one guard Celkini tried to groin roughs her up, takes the rest of her weapons, and tosses her aside. She hisses angrily at him and imagines jumping on his face and clawing out his eyes.
The wizard orders them to follow the bugbear to incarceration. Asher helps Akilah along and they limp forward together. After some internal deliberation, Xavros finally follows grudgingly.
They are all taken to three jail cells, their attempt at escape and general troublemaking a complete failure.
There is an older woman and some teenagers already there. One looks pretty beat up. Dweezil interrogates the boy who doesn't seem to know how long he's been imprisoned. They learn that the boy and and his sister and mother are from the town and were captured to be sold into slavery because the father spoke out against the Red Brand.
Celkini is climbing the walls, literally, though Ben is trying to settle her down. The group decides they should finally rest for once. All the healers are conveniently in a cell away from Akilah. They use their Cure Wounds spells on themselves and on the boy, then they go to sleep.
During the night, one of the guard leaves the room while the other dozes off standing against the wall. Ben follows the first to see that the next room is empty and beyond that, the first guard is joining another drunken card game. Ben does not see their weapons. He returns and awakens Dweezil, but Dweezil doesn't want to do anything. Ben grunts and wakes up Celkini instead who immediately jumps to action. She squeezes through the bars and sneaks a shortsword and thief's tools away from the guard. Dweezil frees himself. Celkini beckons him over and climbs on his shoulder so that she can sink the blade into the sleeping guards throat. He dies with a quiet gurgle AND NO YELLING.
They wake the others and get them out of the cells. After some deliberation and plans to possibly set the children on fire ("look at the flowers") as a distraction, they decide to leave the family behind and head into the room with the sarcophogi. There, the stone coffins slowly open and drauger rise from the crypts. Should they throw Asher at them? No, they run through a door to the north into a cramped hallway. The other door is locked, but Dweezil's stone sense finds a false door. They come out into the area they had discovered and partially explored before. They recognize it, knowing now that there is an escape just ahead if they can make it. But a voice in Celkini's mind stops her, politely asking for them to bring him the Red Brand they killed. The voice also speaks to Xavros, asking him to convince Celkini to get the food he's requested. Soon the voice is in everyone's head and it reveals that there are weapons to be had and that it is willing to help us if we help it. It's just... hungry...
We're off to see the wizard. And by that we mean we're escorted back to the mansion that they'd accidentally found before, which Celkini points out, before finally being silenced by Ben. They enter the depths beyond a cave, through a different entrance where they get a strange feeling that Xavros is pretty sure is caused by this:
But our DM swears that's not what it is. But we don't trust him. Everyone, including the Red Brand guards, shrug off the fuzzy feeling and move on. Ahead, there is a bugbear on patrol, but he does not pay them much mind. Further on, they pass a table of drunken gamblers whom carefully robs, causing a bit of havoc after they move on. They finally come to a room with a table full of alchemic potions and tools. Excited, Celkini tries to rush over to the table, but is pulled back by one of the guards. Dweezil steps up to her defense, but backs down when a sword is drawn. Once things settle down, they are ordered to sit around the table. Celkini, thanks to a badass roll of awesomeness:
recognizes potions for invisibility and the embuement of weapons with cool stuff. A rat runs around, sniffing them. It hisses when Ben appears on Celkini's shoulder and then it vanishes.
The guards take places against the walls at the doors. Then NotGandalfSephirothDumbledore appears. Dweezil notices that the guards all snap to attention at his commands. The rat returns, scrambling up on the mage's shoulders. Celkini points out that his rat is much like hers, but Ben refuses to come out of her pouch to greet them. The wizard calls Ben a punk, but Ben doesn't bite. Or rather he does, silencing Celkini once more and for the rest of the conversation, though she is dying to spill alllll the beans. The mage, occasionally pausing to confer with his rat, tells them that they will be taken to their benefactor, The Spider, who lives there at the place with a full contingent of bugbears to escort them there in the morning. They don't get much more out of him and he Dweezil fails to steal anything from the table. The intimidating mage leaves, but his rat stays behind. Ben runs out to check him, but finds the other rat is much bigger and backs down.
The mage's final order is to take their weapons and lock them up, but when one reaches for Xavros, the bard reacts with Hellish Rebuke. The other guards haven't taken anyone's weapons yet and are confused by their suddenly burning friend....
Celkini leads the way as the team checks the cave. She finds a rubble filled path leading up to the other side, but as she and Asher climb up to the landing and attempt to throw down a rope to help the others up, the platform gives way. Akeelah takes seven damage from the falling pebbles. Good thing she leveled up earlier. Celkini also offers her a Cure Wounds spell, then Ben goes up the path to check things out. Celkini and Asher follow and this time discover that there's nothing up there. Totally worth the effort.
The team decides to rest while Dweezil works on a map of the cave to give to the lady who owns the stolen stuff. Celkini offers everyone her stash of muffins that she'd brought with her from home. They are rock hard and taste awful, but they do the job and refill their waterskins from the river that goblins hopefully have not peed in. They know better now than to accept food from Celkini, but Xavros was very, very hungry.
Then they head back to town. It's dark now, but they spot the two poorly dressed guards at the entrance. They approach cautiously, except for Celkini, who waves and proceeds to inform the guards of their recent adventures, including the slaughter of Red Brands. The guards don't seem too surprised by this, but they haven't yet drawn their short swords. Instead, they offer to escort the crew to the Town Master's house. Dweezil attempts to discern what these two are up to. Xavros doesn't trust them, Asher is on guard, and Dweezil and Akeelah are playing up Akeelah's injury so that they can hang back. Celkini skips along merrily. They spot other "guards" walking in town, at least two, and another at the door to the Town Master's house. The guards nod to each other
and then the guard at the door knocks in what seems to be a specific pattern. Ben and Dweezil commit the pattern to memory. They go inside and discover a disheveled Leroy Silverhawk in a cage. What the hell is wrong with this man? Did we not just rescue him? There are four guards. At the far end of the room, a door opens and a man in a hooded red cape steps in to greet them. He knows who they are, and if he didn't know, Celkini confirms it anyway. He takes out a piece of parchment. On it is a picture of Celkini and words that they can read this time, indicating that her capture is valued at 25 gold pieces. "That's just like the one we have," Celkini exclaims. Her friends shake their heads and try not to cry. Dweezil tries to explain that gnomes all look alike, but Celkini takes great offense.
Xavros lingers at the door, leaning his full weight against it and surreptitiously turning the latch to ensure they do not have any more company join them before this party goes south.
The hooded man notes that this group has caused much trouble, but clearly they have skills that would be useful to the Red Brands. He offers them two options: join us, or die. The four guards pull their swords.
Dweezil notes that the Red Brands don't seem keen on non-human membership, The man says they are willing to make an exception. "I am not too familiar with human feeding customs," says Dweezil, "but I don't eat the ass. We need to speak to the head." He then drops the mic. The hooded man chuckles and agrees to take them to his leader, the wizard.
Previously, on Dungeons & Dragons, our intrepid heroes were running for their lives from a pack of hobgoblins. We took a very long hiatus for the holidays in hopes that our DM would forget that these hobgoblins existed, but alas, he did not, so everyone ran deeper into the goblin cave. Xavros promised to sing a DMX song at Akilah's funeral if she died on this adventure. Celkini remembered the layout of the cave and dashed onward to set up a trap from above, dragging Dweezil with her. Asher dragged the bugbear he so cruelly murdered in cold blood earlier into the path as an obstacle, sitting the bloated creature up and posing him nicely. [Scriber's note: I just googled "posing dead bodies and this is actually a thing and now I am creeped out]
Celkini dropped caltrops behind the bugbear's body and she and Dweezil waited while the others tried to figure out what they were doing back at the little reservoir. A hobgoblin appeared and, rather than wait for it to stumble over the caltrops, Dweezil ruined Celkini's plan (well, it was Ben's plan, really), by shooting the hobgoblin. The creature took a lot of damage, but as these beings are wont to do, he yelled out to his companions before Celkini could finish him off.
Back in the alcove, a pair of hobgoblins rushed at Asher and Akilah. Asher took out one with a viscous spear attack and a warrior's yell that drew Celkini's attention. She attacks the hobgoblin that had gone after Akilah, softening him up for the half-elf who, sadly, missed. Yet again. Poor Akilah. Xavros finished him off.
A calm settled over the cave and all anyone can hear is the dripping of water and the rumble of Xavros' hungry tummy. Then Dweezil heard the sound of armoured footfalls. And then Dweezil YELLS about it, alerting the hobgoblin to his presence. Celkini excitedly runs back, and Xavros follows to add a crazy floating dagger spell to the collection of traps down below. Between the three of them, they took out the hobgoblin, but not before it managed to shoot Dweezil. Two more hobgoblins followed and the heroes huddled up at the edge of the cliff. Akilah, in desperation, threw her sword at one, but
she missed.
Everyone was happy and considered having a party over their joyous victory, but then an arrow flew out of the darkness behind him, hitting Asher because the party had forgotten how to count to six. Everyone turned. Xavros, still very hungry, insulted the hobgoblins mother and demanded him make the bard a sandwich. The hobgoblin did not comply, instead rushing at them. Akilah stepped forward with the long sword she looted from the other hobgoblins. With the encouragement of her companions,
But alas...
she missed. [Scriber's note: For the record, Akilah had great initiative rolls this session.]
Celkini stepped in with her hammers, but both she Ben missed and the hobgoblin kicked her away. There were too many people in the way for Dweezil to fire a crossbow bolt (we know what happened last time), leaving Asher to shove Xavros aside, saving him from certain death (but not feeding him), and try to take out this hobgoblin, who clearly had leveled up while he rounded that corner. Asher stunned the hobgoblin, leaving him open for Akilah to FINISH him.
Akilah killed him in an epic sword swinging move, slicing off various body parts this way and that.
Blood spouted everywhere, which Akilah crip walked through, relishing in her first hit and kill of this adventure. While she was busy doing that, Dweezil searched the pockets of the hobgoblin and discovered a strange note:
WHAT COULD THIS MEAN???
Xavros doesn't care because he is still very hungry.
Our heroes are busy hiding upstairs when they hear the leader of the red bandit guys burst into the inn and demand to see the people who killed all his folk. None of our heroes feel the need to go claim credit at the moment because they are too busy watching crazy anime and eating maple flavour potato chips. This presents a great opportunity for the newbie, PhantomFoxx, playing Akilah Batiatus, a half-elf fighter, to come in and prove herself by saving the day.
Akilah is tired and mad after a long time traveling away from a town overrun by bandits. She just wants a damn drink, but this punk is making all sorts of noise. What do?
Footsteps pound up the stairs and then there is a knock at the heroes' door. "Who's there?" asks Celkini, who is standing in the middle of the room. The others are standing to the side of the door, ready to attack. Xavros and Celkini are sure they can hear about two people approaching. The door opens and Celkini waves. Dweezil gets off a weak-ass attack, followed up by Asher's ORAORAORAORA which manages to push the first guy back out the door into the next guy.
Back downstairs, there are still a Red Brand with his sword to the innkeeper's neck. Akilah gets up and back talks the Red Brand, who drops the innkeeper and starts slowly walking over to her, shortsword drawn. The Red Brand tosses aside a poor halfling, and when he gets within five feet of her, Akilah tosses her drink in his face. He covers his face in time, but two citizens jump up and grab his arms. Akilah strikes at him with her sword, but he tosses a citizen at her, throwing her off.
Upstairs, Asher and Dweezil struggle with the Red Brands. Celkini misses her attack, but Ben leaps onto Asher's spear, runs along it and does a leaping attack at the Red Brand's face. Xavros uses Vicious Mockery:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have five fingers
And the third one's for you
Xavros words cut deep, leaving the poor remaining Red Brand open to attack from Celkini and Ben. Xavros finishes him off, despite Asher's attempt to stop him because OMG that's murder! Dweezil leads the charge downstairs.
Meanwhile, Akilah is feeling a bit demoralized by her repeated missed attacks. She wracks her brain for useful 80s puns, but the Red Brand has no desire to negotiate. No one ever wants to negotiate, dammit.
Inception Xavros rolls in with more Vicious Mama Mockery, but Akilah still takes a hit and fails to hit the Red Brand. We'll just say she is drunk'd and forgive her for her level oneness. Asher leaps in for a save. "KO!" shouts a citizen from the side. The innkeeper praises the heroes and offers drinks on the house for all. A party bursts into happening, Prince is playing. Celkini grabs a cup.
Dweezil, still all business, checks outdoors where he spies other Red Brands wandering into other buildings. Dweezil asks the innkeeper to help hide the bodies while he explores their pockets. Celkini gets drunk'd.
Asher and Akilah immediately bond over their shared elven heritage and love of punching things.
The group share ale and introductions. Tomlin offers accommodations to Akilah. He speaks on behalf of all the citizens in the pub when he says that they are happy to have these heroes here to rid the town of the Red Brands. Dweezil continues to gather information, learning little more about the Red Brands than that they hang out at the Sleeping Giant. For now, all seems to be well and the crew heads upstairs to rest.
Xavros wakes up to find Asher already awake, training his body.
They head over to the next room to wake up the small folk, then wake up the new girl. They still need to get into that chest. Downstairs, Sildar, looking regal in clean, glistening armour, is sitting there. He invites them to breakfast. He tells them about some gnome/dwarf history about some Wave Echo treasure cave that may or may not be near this place. He says some stuff about how the goblins have a fortress where they may have taken Gundren Rockseeker. Sildar offers them a hefty reward if they are willing to help. They also tell him about the Red Brands and how he has taken over the town, arresting the shifty mayor and taking his place. Celkini rattles off the confusing details of their adventures in the mansion up the road, which Sildar recognizes as a place where some other guy disappeared to and needs saving. Because obviously. The team decides the goblin castle is the best option.
Before heading out, they decide to restock at the armoury where Celkini informs the storekeeper that she and her friends found her crates and offer to retrieve them if they could get some support to do so. The group has now figured out that it is wise to gag Celkini when discussing important things with people. The armoursmith is a bit of a bitch and certainly not a hero. After some horrible haggling by Dweezil and Xavros, they purchase some weaponry for 13 gold pieces. She also offers them a cart and horses in order to pick up the crates, but Dweezil suggests they should make sure the cave is clear first.
Shopping done, they head to the cave with Asher and Celkini in the lead. Behind them, the others are apparently checking their cellphones because only Akilah notices the group of well-armed goblinoid creatures in the distance. The three in the back run and hide, Celkini climbs into a tree and readies her sling, and Asher, who recognizes these six creatures as hobgoblins, readies his shortbow and stands out in the open. One of them spots him.
Asher dashes into the brush. Ben orders Celkini to be silent and still. Asher vanishes, the hobgoblins follow, but they cannot find him. Through Ben, Asher delivers a warning to Celkini that he is going to cast Darkness. Through Ben, Celkini passes on this message to the others, scratching the specific details in the dirt. Dweezil suspects that Ben is the true mastermind of this entire affair. Asher casts his spell, and everyone runs. They make it to the mouth of the cave...
After half an hour of deliberation, the posse decided to pick pocket the bandits they just killed. One, they left to look like he was sleeping. The others, they stuffed into barrels, then left an artistic rat mess behind to confuse anyone who might come in. They leave the cellar by the same way they arrived, only to find a group of five bandits demanding to know who has killed their compatriots. The villagers kindly do not point out the heroes who give themselves away anyway since some of them are wearing the red capes they stole. The leader of the group draws his sword and orders another to go get back up, but, thinking quickly, Dweezil casts a spell, commanding the leader to vomit (not ejaculate).
Wisely, the group decides to run. Asher tosses Celkini over his shoulder and runs off. Celkini manages to get off a drunken blowgun Hail of Thorns that hurts four of the five attackers. Dweezil runs between some houses, followed by Xavros who casts heroism on Dweezil (*boop*) and everyone sings Nickelback and Mariah Carey songs as accompaniment. Dweezil manages to headshot a passing ruffian. Fueled once more by her bloodlust, Celkini flails in Asher's arms, demanding to be let down so that she can fight. He agrees and both turn to face their pursuers. A skirmish ensues and Asher is hurt, but not badly. Between the two of them, with Dweezil supporting from a distance and Xavros making your mamma jokes from a distance, they dispatch the baddies, remove the cloaks, then dash back to the inn. There is brief consideration over killing the young boy Carp because we can't leave any witnesses, yo.
There, the innkeeper quietly thanks them for facing down the red caped bad guys and offers them free room and board. Xavros tips him with a recently stolen gold piece and the group head upstairs with hopes to finally get some rest so that they can function on more than just one HP. But before they can discuss further plans, they hear a crash and a loud voice demands of the innkeeper the identities of the punks who have attacked his men...
Our heroes are in biiig trouble, having walked right into a group of Red Brand bandits hanging out near the Sleeping Giant Inn that the group was warned to stay away from. With Xavros and Dweezil at only 1HP, fighting their way out of this mess is not wise. The bandit leader demands that the heroes empty their pockets. Celkini notes that she doesn't have anything in her pockets, really, because Xavros is holding all the gold they just got and they haven't been back to the cave in the north to get all the stuff that the goblins and the bugbear stole. Fortunately, she doesn't divulge that they have a treasure chest back at the inn, but Xavros and Dweezil can't breathe a sigh of relief just yet. The bandit leader, unable to get a word in as Celkini babbles on, decides instead to draw his sword. His fellow bandits follow suit. Xavros attempts to distract them with inappropriate mom comments via Vicious Mockery, but his shitty roll didn't do enough damage to do more than piss them off. Our intrepid heroes are in big trouble.
Out of the blue, the wayward monk, Asher, comes running in to save the day. He stuns the leader threatening Celkini. One of the other bandits attacks Asher in return, but Asher is so badass after his communion with nature, that he simply blows on the sword and it misses him. Dweezil (played tonight by DnD newbie, PhantomFoxx, in the absence of Deacon) actually has Cure Wounds this time and uses it to cure himself. Another bandit tries for Asher again but fails. It's like Asher is Bruce Leroy.
Celkini and Ben immediately jump into action. Ben leaps onto the prone leader and bites him on the neck, tearing out a rat-sized hole in his throat, leaving him to bleed out. Celkini leaps onto Asher, springboarding off of the monk's back, to shoot Hail of Thorns with her darts.
Asher gets hit as well, but he's feeling no pain. She severely damages the big guy, but he's still standing, so while still in the air, she tosses away her blowgun like Bautista and switches to her hammers. Fueled by adrenaline and her growing bloodlust, she finishes the job.
Xavros and Dweezil quietly back away, curing themselves as they go, and cheering on the team. Celkini and Asher nod to each other and together, they take out the final bandit. When the dust settles, the heroes discover that they have an audience who soon bursts into cheers. This is new to Xavros, who looks down and realizes that Carp is still holding on to him and may or may not have peed a little. Carp is so happy that he's a hero too, but then notices the carnage and turns pale. Xavros turns him away while Asher searches the dead bandits' pockets. There is a disappointing lack of broken lockpicks. They have nothing but shortswords, one of which Asher keeps, and another is given to Carp as a gift for his bravery.
But Celkini is still on fire and runs off in the direction the last bandit had attempted to run off to. She finds a ruined manor. Asher catches up and tries to calm her down. They spy a patch of ground that is clear of grass. There's a gleam of something shiny that Asher sees. It's enough to get Celkini to focus. Xavros and Asher grudgingly join them as Asher investigates the shiny thing and finds a handle. Using his strength, boosted by Xavros' Bardic Inspiration, Asher pulls up the trap door and manages to get it open. He sees a narrow set of steps in the darkness and a large iron door below, with light apparent coming from behind it. Dweezil and Xavros think this is a bad idea, Celkini is still quite hyper and would have dashed down the stairs had Asher not been holding her. Asher decides for them, leading the way down and opening the door.
Inside they find a ledge, and below, a cavern full of kegs and stuff. Ben nips Celkini on the finger, which finally serves to calm her down. Asher uses his ki to give everyone a bonus to stealth, preventing them from being tracked. There are rations in some of the kegs, and ale in others, which Celkini discovers, to the further detriment of the group.
While the others hide, Asher finds three bandits sleeping or reading in one room. Across the way through another door, he finds a hallway.
They decide to take out the three people in the room. Dweezil charms the armed guard, while Asher and Celkini take out the sleeping bandits. The charmed bandit is pleased to meet the new recruits, but wonders where their red cloaks are and why they have even been recruited since they aren't human males. They also learn about furry dudes, secret doors, and a cyclops that the bandits feed prisoners to. After some really bad persuasion, they decide to kill him and take the cloaks.
After sorting through our well earned experience points after the harrowing defeat of a bugbear and escape from the goblin cave, the intrepid heroes end up at the home of the trader, Elmar. The streets are empty and the night is dark, but Celkini and Dweezil beat down the door and a groggy Xavros offers tiefling threats until Elmar opens the door and lets them in.
Celkini heals the wounded Sildar enough for him to stand up for the heroes when Elmar refuses to hand over their gold. After some argument and an appearance from Ben that causes Elmar to demand they leave. They finally agree to return in the morning. They head back to the inn with Sildar, who treats them to a meal and individual lodgings before going upstairs to bed. They drag the chest upstairs and agree to leave it in Asher's room. Ben and Dweezil agree that Ben will return to Elmar's house to keep an eye on things.
Feeling lonely without Ben, Celkini toddles over to Xavros' room with her blanket and pillow and asks if she can stay with him.
He's hesitant at first, but agrees to let her sleep in his bed. He mistakenly asks about why she is there, and she begins a long story about her first defeat of a bugbear, but fortunately, soon falls asleep, but continues the moment she wakes up in the morning. He sends her downstairs where she meets Sildar and has a bite to eat. Celkini orders pancakes.
Upstairs, Dweezil and Xavros discuss the need to pick up their gold and report to the mayor. Together they head downstairs. Celkini goes upstairs to find Asher, but the bed is empty. The chest is still there.
Back downstairs, Sildar informs them that he is a member of the Lord's Alliance and had come with Gundrin Rockseeker who is still missing with all the maps. He also explains some dwarven history stuff that Dweezil understands. A mission is afoot, but our heroes need time to recuperate, gather their gold and information, and do some research.
Cue research montage.
Back at Elmar's, Dweezil shops for glow sticks, Xavros counts the gold, and Celkini eyes all the shiny things.
Business concluded, they head to the mayor's house and ask about the red caped bandits troubling the area. The mayor claims no knowledge of this, but Dweezil's sharp investigative skills prove otherwise. Outside, the posse decide to hire a young spy to keep an eye on the mayor while they continue their business. They unwisely send Celkini off to find the right person: a young halfling that wants desperately to be a hero, but gets easily caught up in games like hide and seek. Xavros plays along and suggest they switch to follow the leader to discover where the red capes are hiding. This probably was not a good idea with Asher missing and Xavros and Dweezil both at only 1HP.
