Celkini leads the way as the team checks the cave. She finds a rubble filled path leading up to the other side, but as she and Asher climb up to the landing and attempt to throw down a rope to help the others up, the platform gives way. Akeelah takes seven damage from the falling pebbles. Good thing she leveled up earlier. Celkini also offers her a Cure Wounds spell, then Ben goes up the path to check things out. Celkini and Asher follow and this time discover that there's nothing up there. Totally worth the effort.
The team decides to rest while Dweezil works on a map of the cave to give to the lady who owns the stolen stuff. Celkini offers everyone her stash of muffins that she'd brought with her from home. They are rock hard and taste awful, but they do the job and refill their waterskins from the river that goblins hopefully have not peed in. They know better now than to accept food from Celkini, but Xavros was very, very hungry.
Then they head back to town. It's dark now, but they spot the two poorly dressed guards at the entrance. They approach cautiously, except for Celkini, who waves and proceeds to inform the guards of their recent adventures, including the slaughter of Red Brands. The guards don't seem too surprised by this, but they haven't yet drawn their short swords. Instead, they offer to escort the crew to the Town Master's house. Dweezil attempts to discern what these two are up to. Xavros doesn't trust them, Asher is on guard, and Dweezil and Akeelah are playing up Akeelah's injury so that they can hang back. Celkini skips along merrily. They spot other "guards" walking in town, at least two, and another at the door to the Town Master's house. The guards nod to each other
and then the guard at the door knocks in what seems to be a specific pattern. Ben and Dweezil commit the pattern to memory. They go inside and discover a disheveled Leroy Silverhawk in a cage. What the hell is wrong with this man? Did we not just rescue him? There are four guards. At the far end of the room, a door opens and a man in a hooded red cape steps in to greet them. He knows who they are, and if he didn't know, Celkini confirms it anyway. He takes out a piece of parchment. On it is a picture of Celkini and words that they can read this time, indicating that her capture is valued at 25 gold pieces. "That's just like the one we have," Celkini exclaims. Her friends shake their heads and try not to cry. Dweezil tries to explain that gnomes all look alike, but Celkini takes great offense.
Xavros lingers at the door, leaning his full weight against it and surreptitiously turning the latch to ensure they do not have any more company join them before this party goes south.
The hooded man notes that this group has caused much trouble, but clearly they have skills that would be useful to the Red Brands. He offers them two options: join us, or die. The four guards pull their swords.
Dweezil notes that the Red Brands don't seem keen on non-human membership, The man says they are willing to make an exception. "I am not too familiar with human feeding customs," says Dweezil, "but I don't eat the ass. We need to speak to the head." He then drops the mic. The hooded man chuckles and agrees to take them to his leader, the wizard.
Previously, on Dungeons & Dragons, our intrepid heroes were running for their lives from a pack of hobgoblins. We took a very long hiatus for the holidays in hopes that our DM would forget that these hobgoblins existed, but alas, he did not, so everyone ran deeper into the goblin cave. Xavros promised to sing a DMX song at Akilah's funeral if she died on this adventure. Celkini remembered the layout of the cave and dashed onward to set up a trap from above, dragging Dweezil with her. Asher dragged the bugbear he so cruelly murdered in cold blood earlier into the path as an obstacle, sitting the bloated creature up and posing him nicely. [Scriber's note: I just googled "posing dead bodies and this is actually a thing and now I am creeped out]
Celkini dropped caltrops behind the bugbear's body and she and Dweezil waited while the others tried to figure out what they were doing back at the little reservoir. A hobgoblin appeared and, rather than wait for it to stumble over the caltrops, Dweezil ruined Celkini's plan (well, it was Ben's plan, really), by shooting the hobgoblin. The creature took a lot of damage, but as these beings are wont to do, he yelled out to his companions before Celkini could finish him off.
Back in the alcove, a pair of hobgoblins rushed at Asher and Akilah. Asher took out one with a viscous spear attack and a warrior's yell that drew Celkini's attention. She attacks the hobgoblin that had gone after Akilah, softening him up for the half-elf who, sadly, missed. Yet again. Poor Akilah. Xavros finished him off.
A calm settled over the cave and all anyone can hear is the dripping of water and the rumble of Xavros' hungry tummy. Then Dweezil heard the sound of armoured footfalls. And then Dweezil YELLS about it, alerting the hobgoblin to his presence. Celkini excitedly runs back, and Xavros follows to add a crazy floating dagger spell to the collection of traps down below. Between the three of them, they took out the hobgoblin, but not before it managed to shoot Dweezil. Two more hobgoblins followed and the heroes huddled up at the edge of the cliff. Akilah, in desperation, threw her sword at one, but
she missed.
Everyone was happy and considered having a party over their joyous victory, but then an arrow flew out of the darkness behind him, hitting Asher because the party had forgotten how to count to six. Everyone turned. Xavros, still very hungry, insulted the hobgoblins mother and demanded him make the bard a sandwich. The hobgoblin did not comply, instead rushing at them. Akilah stepped forward with the long sword she looted from the other hobgoblins. With the encouragement of her companions,
But alas...
she missed. [Scriber's note: For the record, Akilah had great initiative rolls this session.]
Celkini stepped in with her hammers, but both she Ben missed and the hobgoblin kicked her away. There were too many people in the way for Dweezil to fire a crossbow bolt (we know what happened last time), leaving Asher to shove Xavros aside, saving him from certain death (but not feeding him), and try to take out this hobgoblin, who clearly had leveled up while he rounded that corner. Asher stunned the hobgoblin, leaving him open for Akilah to FINISH him.
Akilah killed him in an epic sword swinging move, slicing off various body parts this way and that.
Blood spouted everywhere, which Akilah crip walked through, relishing in her first hit and kill of this adventure. While she was busy doing that, Dweezil searched the pockets of the hobgoblin and discovered a strange note:
WHAT COULD THIS MEAN???
Xavros doesn't care because he is still very hungry.
Our heroes are busy hiding upstairs when they hear the leader of the red bandit guys burst into the inn and demand to see the people who killed all his folk. None of our heroes feel the need to go claim credit at the moment because they are too busy watching crazy anime and eating maple flavour potato chips. This presents a great opportunity for the newbie, PhantomFoxx, playing Akilah Batiatus, a half-elf fighter, to come in and prove herself by saving the day.
Akilah is tired and mad after a long time traveling away from a town overrun by bandits. She just wants a damn drink, but this punk is making all sorts of noise. What do?
Footsteps pound up the stairs and then there is a knock at the heroes' door. "Who's there?" asks Celkini, who is standing in the middle of the room. The others are standing to the side of the door, ready to attack. Xavros and Celkini are sure they can hear about two people approaching. The door opens and Celkini waves. Dweezil gets off a weak-ass attack, followed up by Asher's ORAORAORAORA which manages to push the first guy back out the door into the next guy.
Back downstairs, there are still a Red Brand with his sword to the innkeeper's neck. Akilah gets up and back talks the Red Brand, who drops the innkeeper and starts slowly walking over to her, shortsword drawn. The Red Brand tosses aside a poor halfling, and when he gets within five feet of her, Akilah tosses her drink in his face. He covers his face in time, but two citizens jump up and grab his arms. Akilah strikes at him with her sword, but he tosses a citizen at her, throwing her off.
Upstairs, Asher and Dweezil struggle with the Red Brands. Celkini misses her attack, but Ben leaps onto Asher's spear, runs along it and does a leaping attack at the Red Brand's face. Xavros uses Vicious Mockery:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have five fingers
And the third one's for you
Xavros words cut deep, leaving the poor remaining Red Brand open to attack from Celkini and Ben. Xavros finishes him off, despite Asher's attempt to stop him because OMG that's murder! Dweezil leads the charge downstairs.
Meanwhile, Akilah is feeling a bit demoralized by her repeated missed attacks. She wracks her brain for useful 80s puns, but the Red Brand has no desire to negotiate. No one ever wants to negotiate, dammit.
Inception Xavros rolls in with more Vicious Mama Mockery, but Akilah still takes a hit and fails to hit the Red Brand. We'll just say she is drunk'd and forgive her for her level oneness. Asher leaps in for a save. "KO!" shouts a citizen from the side. The innkeeper praises the heroes and offers drinks on the house for all. A party bursts into happening, Prince is playing. Celkini grabs a cup.
Dweezil, still all business, checks outdoors where he spies other Red Brands wandering into other buildings. Dweezil asks the innkeeper to help hide the bodies while he explores their pockets. Celkini gets drunk'd.
Asher and Akilah immediately bond over their shared elven heritage and love of punching things.
The group share ale and introductions. Tomlin offers accommodations to Akilah. He speaks on behalf of all the citizens in the pub when he says that they are happy to have these heroes here to rid the town of the Red Brands. Dweezil continues to gather information, learning little more about the Red Brands than that they hang out at the Sleeping Giant. For now, all seems to be well and the crew heads upstairs to rest.
Xavros wakes up to find Asher already awake, training his body.
They head over to the next room to wake up the small folk, then wake up the new girl. They still need to get into that chest. Downstairs, Sildar, looking regal in clean, glistening armour, is sitting there. He invites them to breakfast. He tells them about some gnome/dwarf history about some Wave Echo treasure cave that may or may not be near this place. He says some stuff about how the goblins have a fortress where they may have taken Gundren Rockseeker. Sildar offers them a hefty reward if they are willing to help. They also tell him about the Red Brands and how he has taken over the town, arresting the shifty mayor and taking his place. Celkini rattles off the confusing details of their adventures in the mansion up the road, which Sildar recognizes as a place where some other guy disappeared to and needs saving. Because obviously. The team decides the goblin castle is the best option.
Before heading out, they decide to restock at the armoury where Celkini informs the storekeeper that she and her friends found her crates and offer to retrieve them if they could get some support to do so. The group has now figured out that it is wise to gag Celkini when discussing important things with people. The armoursmith is a bit of a bitch and certainly not a hero. After some horrible haggling by Dweezil and Xavros, they purchase some weaponry for 13 gold pieces. She also offers them a cart and horses in order to pick up the crates, but Dweezil suggests they should make sure the cave is clear first.
Shopping done, they head to the cave with Asher and Celkini in the lead. Behind them, the others are apparently checking their cellphones because only Akilah notices the group of well-armed goblinoid creatures in the distance. The three in the back run and hide, Celkini climbs into a tree and readies her sling, and Asher, who recognizes these six creatures as hobgoblins, readies his shortbow and stands out in the open. One of them spots him.
Asher dashes into the brush. Ben orders Celkini to be silent and still. Asher vanishes, the hobgoblins follow, but they cannot find him. Through Ben, Asher delivers a warning to Celkini that he is going to cast Darkness. Through Ben, Celkini passes on this message to the others, scratching the specific details in the dirt. Dweezil suspects that Ben is the true mastermind of this entire affair. Asher casts his spell, and everyone runs. They make it to the mouth of the cave...
After half an hour of deliberation, the posse decided to pick pocket the bandits they just killed. One, they left to look like he was sleeping. The others, they stuffed into barrels, then left an artistic rat mess behind to confuse anyone who might come in. They leave the cellar by the same way they arrived, only to find a group of five bandits demanding to know who has killed their compatriots. The villagers kindly do not point out the heroes who give themselves away anyway since some of them are wearing the red capes they stole. The leader of the group draws his sword and orders another to go get back up, but, thinking quickly, Dweezil casts a spell, commanding the leader to vomit (not ejaculate).
Wisely, the group decides to run. Asher tosses Celkini over his shoulder and runs off. Celkini manages to get off a drunken blowgun Hail of Thorns that hurts four of the five attackers. Dweezil runs between some houses, followed by Xavros who casts heroism on Dweezil (*boop*) and everyone sings Nickelback and Mariah Carey songs as accompaniment. Dweezil manages to headshot a passing ruffian. Fueled once more by her bloodlust, Celkini flails in Asher's arms, demanding to be let down so that she can fight. He agrees and both turn to face their pursuers. A skirmish ensues and Asher is hurt, but not badly. Between the two of them, with Dweezil supporting from a distance and Xavros making your mamma jokes from a distance, they dispatch the baddies, remove the cloaks, then dash back to the inn. There is brief consideration over killing the young boy Carp because we can't leave any witnesses, yo.
There, the innkeeper quietly thanks them for facing down the red caped bad guys and offers them free room and board. Xavros tips him with a recently stolen gold piece and the group head upstairs with hopes to finally get some rest so that they can function on more than just one HP. But before they can discuss further plans, they hear a crash and a loud voice demands of the innkeeper the identities of the punks who have attacked his men...
Our heroes are in biiig trouble, having walked right into a group of Red Brand bandits hanging out near the Sleeping Giant Inn that the group was warned to stay away from. With Xavros and Dweezil at only 1HP, fighting their way out of this mess is not wise. The bandit leader demands that the heroes empty their pockets. Celkini notes that she doesn't have anything in her pockets, really, because Xavros is holding all the gold they just got and they haven't been back to the cave in the north to get all the stuff that the goblins and the bugbear stole. Fortunately, she doesn't divulge that they have a treasure chest back at the inn, but Xavros and Dweezil can't breathe a sigh of relief just yet. The bandit leader, unable to get a word in as Celkini babbles on, decides instead to draw his sword. His fellow bandits follow suit. Xavros attempts to distract them with inappropriate mom comments via Vicious Mockery, but his shitty roll didn't do enough damage to do more than piss them off. Our intrepid heroes are in big trouble.
Out of the blue, the wayward monk, Asher, comes running in to save the day. He stuns the leader threatening Celkini. One of the other bandits attacks Asher in return, but Asher is so badass after his communion with nature, that he simply blows on the sword and it misses him. Dweezil (played tonight by DnD newbie, PhantomFoxx, in the absence of Deacon) actually has Cure Wounds this time and uses it to cure himself. Another bandit tries for Asher again but fails. It's like Asher is Bruce Leroy.
Celkini and Ben immediately jump into action. Ben leaps onto the prone leader and bites him on the neck, tearing out a rat-sized hole in his throat, leaving him to bleed out. Celkini leaps onto Asher, springboarding off of the monk's back, to shoot Hail of Thorns with her darts.
Asher gets hit as well, but he's feeling no pain. She severely damages the big guy, but he's still standing, so while still in the air, she tosses away her blowgun like Bautista and switches to her hammers. Fueled by adrenaline and her growing bloodlust, she finishes the job.
Xavros and Dweezil quietly back away, curing themselves as they go, and cheering on the team. Celkini and Asher nod to each other and together, they take out the final bandit. When the dust settles, the heroes discover that they have an audience who soon bursts into cheers. This is new to Xavros, who looks down and realizes that Carp is still holding on to him and may or may not have peed a little. Carp is so happy that he's a hero too, but then notices the carnage and turns pale. Xavros turns him away while Asher searches the dead bandits' pockets. There is a disappointing lack of broken lockpicks. They have nothing but shortswords, one of which Asher keeps, and another is given to Carp as a gift for his bravery.
But Celkini is still on fire and runs off in the direction the last bandit had attempted to run off to. She finds a ruined manor. Asher catches up and tries to calm her down. They spy a patch of ground that is clear of grass. There's a gleam of something shiny that Asher sees. It's enough to get Celkini to focus. Xavros and Asher grudgingly join them as Asher investigates the shiny thing and finds a handle. Using his strength, boosted by Xavros' Bardic Inspiration, Asher pulls up the trap door and manages to get it open. He sees a narrow set of steps in the darkness and a large iron door below, with light apparent coming from behind it. Dweezil and Xavros think this is a bad idea, Celkini is still quite hyper and would have dashed down the stairs had Asher not been holding her. Asher decides for them, leading the way down and opening the door.
Inside they find a ledge, and below, a cavern full of kegs and stuff. Ben nips Celkini on the finger, which finally serves to calm her down. Asher uses his ki to give everyone a bonus to stealth, preventing them from being tracked. There are rations in some of the kegs, and ale in others, which Celkini discovers, to the further detriment of the group.
While the others hide, Asher finds three bandits sleeping or reading in one room. Across the way through another door, he finds a hallway.
They decide to take out the three people in the room. Dweezil charms the armed guard, while Asher and Celkini take out the sleeping bandits. The charmed bandit is pleased to meet the new recruits, but wonders where their red cloaks are and why they have even been recruited since they aren't human males. They also learn about furry dudes, secret doors, and a cyclops that the bandits feed prisoners to. After some really bad persuasion, they decide to kill him and take the cloaks.
After sorting through our well earned experience points after the harrowing defeat of a bugbear and escape from the goblin cave, the intrepid heroes end up at the home of the trader, Elmar. The streets are empty and the night is dark, but Celkini and Dweezil beat down the door and a groggy Xavros offers tiefling threats until Elmar opens the door and lets them in.
Celkini heals the wounded Sildar enough for him to stand up for the heroes when Elmar refuses to hand over their gold. After some argument and an appearance from Ben that causes Elmar to demand they leave. They finally agree to return in the morning. They head back to the inn with Sildar, who treats them to a meal and individual lodgings before going upstairs to bed. They drag the chest upstairs and agree to leave it in Asher's room. Ben and Dweezil agree that Ben will return to Elmar's house to keep an eye on things.
Feeling lonely without Ben, Celkini toddles over to Xavros' room with her blanket and pillow and asks if she can stay with him.
He's hesitant at first, but agrees to let her sleep in his bed. He mistakenly asks about why she is there, and she begins a long story about her first defeat of a bugbear, but fortunately, soon falls asleep, but continues the moment she wakes up in the morning. He sends her downstairs where she meets Sildar and has a bite to eat. Celkini orders pancakes.
Upstairs, Dweezil and Xavros discuss the need to pick up their gold and report to the mayor. Together they head downstairs. Celkini goes upstairs to find Asher, but the bed is empty. The chest is still there.
Back downstairs, Sildar informs them that he is a member of the Lord's Alliance and had come with Gundrin Rockseeker who is still missing with all the maps. He also explains some dwarven history stuff that Dweezil understands. A mission is afoot, but our heroes need time to recuperate, gather their gold and information, and do some research.
Cue research montage.
Back at Elmar's, Dweezil shops for glow sticks, Xavros counts the gold, and Celkini eyes all the shiny things.
Business concluded, they head to the mayor's house and ask about the red caped bandits troubling the area. The mayor claims no knowledge of this, but Dweezil's sharp investigative skills prove otherwise. Outside, the posse decide to hire a young spy to keep an eye on the mayor while they continue their business. They unwisely send Celkini off to find the right person: a young halfling that wants desperately to be a hero, but gets easily caught up in games like hide and seek. Xavros plays along and suggest they switch to follow the leader to discover where the red capes are hiding. This probably was not a good idea with Asher missing and Xavros and Dweezil both at only 1HP.
Celkini and Asher come upon a bugbear, named Clark, who is holding a battered human precariously over the edge of a tall rock face. At Celkini's scream, the others join them and try to find a way to convince the bugbear to let the human go. Xavros offers him a thousand gold, but Clark doesn't believe them and orders one person to go out and get this gold. Dweezil heads back to the cache of weapons and supplies to retrieve the treasure chest they'd found there.
Meanwhile, Ben took it upon himself to sneak up and attack the goblin that was set to kill Celkini. A sharp, traumatic bite to the eyeball took out that goblin, but the bugbear, then further angered, tossed the human to the ground. Celkini bravely tried to save the large human, but decided against it. The man fell unconscious and Celkini tried to stabilize him while Asher ran up to the bugbear but almost succumbed to the brutal monster's attack. Ben leaped in to try to distract the bugbear but his attack did little. Asher managed to get away and then was healed by Xavros and Celkini's OHIP coverage.
Chaos ensues and Xavros ran back to tell Dweezil to return. Attacking a bugbear was a bad idea. The beast does its best to destroy our intrepid heroes, and Dweezil helps it along with some friendly fire. Their attempt to rescue the unconscious man results in losing Xavros as well because Dweezil hit him in the back. Celkini failed to hurt the bugbear with a bottle of acid, but Asher was able to grab Xavros and pull him away. Unable to save the unconscious but stable human, the heroes decided escape was their only hope, though they would have no proof of their discovery save for their battle wounds. Dweezil takes one in the face and goes down. After the events of a few weeks ago, Celkini decides it's not worth her time to go back for Dweezil. With Xavros on his back, Asher runs across the bridge and Celkini follows. Ben hops out of her backpack and gnaws the bridge ropes, causing Clark the bugbear to fall into the water below. Celkini and Asher take advantage of the bugbear's stunned state to drown it, leaving it unconscious in the water.
Asher returned to Dweezil's side, and in an epic moment of inspiration, stabilizes Dweezil.
With the bugbear out of commission, the heroes are able to retrieve the human, whom Celkini recognized as the warrior that had accompanied the dwarf who charged her with the transportation of his goods, though the dwarf himself was nowhere in sight. Severely wounded, the group headed back to town, intent on returning to retrieve the goods and obtain their reward and clear Celkini's name.
